It's a Fool...

And anytime you feel the pain, hey jude, refrain,
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders.
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.

i was having a particularly rough day at work. i don't think i'd be able to say exactly what was wrong, or just not right. i didn't have anything planned, so no plans were foiled. it was just a feeling. a feeling of being empty and it being my fault. i stood outside, a warmer day than it has been, to feed the addiction. as i stood there, there was a man standing on the sidewalk with a small digital camera. the camera was pointed down, at his feet. he concentrated on the image of his shoes for a moment, and i heard the camera 'snap'. he took a picture of his shoes. he stood there, a few feet from me either unaware of my presence or indifferent. with his camera still fixed on his shoes he put his left leg forward, in front of the right, and took another picture. this time, assumably, of his left shoe. i thought this odd, but i continued to watch unabashedly. he took a few more steps down the sidewalk, possibly 5 to 6, stopped and once again, digitally captured his shoes on cold concrete. nothing was going through my head as he was doing this. i was just...fascinated. i kept watching, and he would stop 2 more times on that sidewalk as he walked towards the door...snapping pictures of the same thing. once he entered the store i quickly threw my cigarette into the parking lot. i've tried flicking cigarettes and i always end up burning my fingers. if at first you don't succeed, try something else. so i followed this man inside. he made his way to the restrooms and i thought, well, that was nice while it lasted. i really have no interest in seeing what goes on in our men's restroom. but he stopped. right before the doorway. he stood there with his camera pointed straight in front of him, at the wall. but before he snapped another seemingly pointless picture he put his right hand inches in front of the camera, palm in. 'snap'. now i was thinking. he had done it. he got me out of my indescribable blue mood and replaced it with utter intrigue. why? what was he doing? is it a new camera and he's testing the functions? i just don't know. so i stood there next to the restrooms by the cafe and watched him walk by me. i didn't bother to look busy by staring at the cafe menu. i stared. head and eyes following him. he stopped again and by the look on his face i would say he was thinking to himself..what else can i do? he pointed the camera down with his right hand, took the corner of his jacket in his left hand and lifted it away from his body. 'snap'. he looked at what he had captured with no expression on his face. no hint for my questions of why and what. he continued past the cafe and for a moment i thought, i will spend my entire hour lunch following a stranger taking pictures of random boring objects and it will be the best hour of my day, of my week. but, he kept walking, i kept following. outside the doors, down the sidewalk. he didn't stop. his camera was now placed in his pocket. he ended it. what's even more perplexing is that he went into the store and did nothing. he didn't browse. he didn't buy. he didn't even use the restroom he almost walked into. all he did was take pictures of things he didn't need to go into a store in order to do. just...odd. i did think about stopping him on his way out. just ask. end my pondering by seeking the answer. but i didn't. any answer to what my questions were would have been a let down. it would have made sense, i imagine. and that's not what i was after. i like being curious and i like not finding the answer.

the blue settled back in quickly and i still had a half hour to kill with no stranger to follow. so i sat in a co-worker's car to smoke in peace. i turned the key in hopes of finding something decent on the radio to ignore and what came on was her cd she had playing. and the speakers said "and anytime you feel the pain, hey jude, refrain...". i smiled and listened to Hey Jude intently, as if it were the first time i heard it. maybe it was. my smile stayed. the blue on the side, on hold. i smiled and wished i could write paragraphs like the Beatles write songs. i smiled and wished i had a picture of my shoes, hand and jacket.